Lately,I’ve been toiling with ideas in my head to write something for the blog.
Thoughts were racing with the beats of my heart and I could do nothing but lie still.As I listened to the countless voices meandering inside the head,I almost had a gag reflex. AAH!!.Sometimes the voices were so loud that I could hear them outside,like a pack of wolves howling together.The cacophony became so intense as if it would rip apart my brains and eat them raw all the while drinking my brain juices.The futile attempts to silence the noise went in vain.
I experimented with reading,music,talking and almost all the other things I do including popping a handful of pain killers which I always kept handy to soothe the nerves that were working over time in double shifts.
When the clock striked four on the dot I woke up from a half awake sleep and went out to the street looking for inspiration.My eyes scanned every detail that it could see.
I had a feeling that all the people were looking at me.I saw myself in their eyes.All of them were holding mirrors against me. Soon,I became the child clinging to his mother’s shoulder,the vagabond who was walking the road of uncertainty,the unemployed youth who always hurried and the blind man who made his moves by sensing the vibrations of the earth with a stick.I never felt so unreal and stagnant. It was like having a panic attack and a very bad episode of depression at the same time.I thought I was dying.I ran down my hand along the region of my chest to make sure that my heart was still there. Hurrying back to my desk I took a pen and started to recycle the same old thoughts.
The clock striked inspiration.
Clouds gossiped about her,
The moon knew all her secrets
She played with words,
and made a pact with thoughts
Bring me back the dandelions I brought from work,
She cried with a twerk
Strangled by the sun
Her life was a pun.
With nothing to spare,
You robbed my life with your charm
From hair and tooth,
To thoughts and ideas
The love of my life
And the long lost memories
With nothing to spare you –
drained my life
You are time still
Can’t hold on to yourself.
‘Love’ the four letter world that sums up every emotion in the world.Great sacrifices,fierce battles and more is done in the name of love.
Some people argue that the mother’s love is the greatest expression of love in the world. Religious pundits are of the belief that love of God is the greatest love of all.
For instance even athiests search for love in the material world ,in truths and science that exixtsed collaterally in heavens and earths.
If I were to give a synonym for this word,I’ll choose “selfish”.
Love is the supreme act of selfishness.An art of being in Union with yourself and your feelings.
The love of your mother and the love of the Divine is all the same fantasy wrapped in different colours.
True love is being selfish.When a lover leaves a person he becomes depressed.But in reality he is conquered by the fear of not being loved by someone special.
After all ,we should all accept that in every human being there is a voice crying inside to be loved.
Love can only be experienced when it is reciprocated by someone or something.
I LOVE YOU ALL.
I was reviewing and rewinding the events in my life. Of course I couldnt recollect every detail.Most of the events involved situations were I considered inaction against action.
As I sit back in my chair and draft this story, memories of joy and sadness flash simultaneously around me.I finally realize that I cannot hold on to either of them.
People . Faces – I met of lot of people this year,but I couldn’t get a hold on anyone.I left some of them behind while others voluntarily walked away from me.You know who they are. Of all the people that I loved and hurt knowingly and unknowingly I assure you that I will better myself.
Choices -‘ You cannot make right choices everytime’.My choices defines my existence in this world.
Insecurities and affirmations – Throughout my life I felt insecure like a rat trapped in an infinite maze ,until someone magically pulled me out of it only to leave me to a bigger maze later.Without those special people I wouldnt be alive narrating this to you.They are my friends and family.
Virtues and Sin – Today I realize that ‘awareness ‘is the greatest virtue and unawareness the biggest sin.
I hope you will be vigilant and be aware of your existence.
After a long sleep the narcoleptic writer woke up to his senses,though he couldn’t make any sense about anything.His stories are narrated by filthy drunk men and concumbines of heavens who visited him in dreams and forced him to write lies about them.
Hence they are glorified forever in the minds of the people.
A word written down in the books of men is like millions of permutations and combinations that can’t cease to exist.
When the cross becomes too heavy. Leave it there for a while, Start afresh with no strings attached,
The strings won’t help you hold it on your back, You have to carry your baggage Searching for Gold in rags won’t help either Neither the search for God in Demi Human creator.
Rather stop carrying the crosses built by Them
And let them be forced to carry the ones made by you.